This is very thought provoking and frankly made me count my blessings

This is from Miss Margo, an advice column similar to Ann Landers. It touched my heart and made me count my blessings.

This is just for the wOw family. It will not go to the newspapers that carry my column. It is also a first. I have made errors in judgment before, and I have owned up to them, but there has never been a situation where I was so totally uninformed about a subject I thought I understood reasonably well. The subject is domestic abuse. I feel the need to share my new understanding with others.

We will call her Miss X.

The abuse in my new, "loving" relationship started slowly. By the time my mother was dead I had no place to go but with him as I had exhausted my resources on my family. By that time I was $30,000 in credit-card debt because I had given him access to my accounts. I was in a new state with no friends. The night I was beaten and thrown into a dumpster the police drove me to a DV shelter, where I was told I would not be safe IN THE SHELTER; that they could only keep me overnight because a middle-class white woman would make the other residents uncomfortable. I had no place to go. I went back. It got worse, but I continued to go to work. We moved to another state. I worked and came home to abuse on a daily basis. I made no friends, for how can an intelligent person admit she is living this life? How can you admit that you are still trying to prove to yourself that nothing will break you, ever!? I now have a four-year-old. I entered the shelter system in NYC, and let me tell you, the system is broken. I cannot overstate how broken the system is, which is currently set up to "help" abused women. I was beaten, raped, subjected to verbal abuse on a daily basis and nearly choked to death in my relationship, but I could not get supervised visitation for my child with her father. The things I experienced and saw in the shelter system would make a decent human being break down in tears.

I tell you all of this for this reason: Abused women are not "slow learners." They are human beings who are seeking a small sign of kindness and affection from wherever they can get it. They are scared, if they are smart, that the cycle will perpetuate and their children will be exposed to the same horrors they have seen. I have not been with a man since my daughter was conceived, nearly five years ago. I am lonely, but I will not take the chance that my daughter is hurt by poor choices on my part. I have not succeeded in rescinding my daughter’s father’s rights to unsupervised visitation. She tells me he spanks her, which kills me, but I have no control. I have no money and went through four court-appointed lawyers, none of whom wanted to hear my story or cared about the details.

If the friends of the lady who is in the bad relationship want to do something, they should take her out. Spend time with her. Listen to her. Validate the truth of her situation. Support her. If their friend does the unthinkable and marries this abuser, a friend will still stay by her side. If you judge a person who is used to abuse, and turn away in disgust, you only serve the purposes of the abuser. You have isolated her further and allowed him to be the sole source of emotional solace. The only way that the cycle of abuse can be stopped is in the light of day. Full transparency, loads of patient, sympathetic, empathetic friends, and empowerment of the victim. Please do not ever call a victim of domestic violence a "slow learner."